Ok so I'm not one for throwing myself a pity party, but grab your hats, party on. I am at the point I don't know how much more I can endure... In the last year I have had to deal with more than most in a lifetime. I feel I have coped relatively well, and was starting to resolve within myself our reality and see light at the end of this tunnel.
Saturday I was sleeping in, Friday I was not feeling well and had been to the Dr, so I was getting some much needed sleep. Jason comes running into the room and tells me to get up Avangeline is smiling and laughing. Praise the lord, what a joy. I have been waiting a long time for that smile. We were on a high all weekend long.
Monday... I get to work and go about my day normal, all except for opening my e-mail. When I realized I had not checked it I opened it to find a note from the head of HSBC North American CEO, in short it stated that Consumer Lending (that's who I work for) was being shut down. Ok if that doesn't suck enough, all of the sales staff was let go effective 1:00 pm. They get paid till April 3 and then get a severance package. I am not sales staff... So I get to work until they decide what day exactly we will shut down. We have to give our customers 30 days notice, and I do not have a sign to hang on the door as of yet. So this is going to drag out... I could really use 30 days off with pay. Somehow sitting in that office empty and with all the looming dume SUCKS. Top that off with customers who are worried about how they are going to make there payments, mail them in... No brainer, but explaining that to them is an ordeal.
You know how you have this plan in your head of how life is suppose to go, hopes, dreams, expectations... Why can't I have at least one??? Have I done something so terrible in my life that I deserve all of this? Will it ever end??? Will I come out better on the other side, or will this be how things go forever???
Easter
12 years ago
3 comments:
Hey there, Sara's friend Kari here. Just wanted to let you know that I read your blog and I'm thinking of you and I'm praying for you.
Remember that the Lord will never put anything in front of you that you can not handle. I know things are hard but you are so strong and you have lots of people that love you in your corner. Stay strong, babe.
Can't wait to see you again in June.
Love,
Sara
Hey Jolene,
When I first read your blog tried to think of ways to encourage you. I thought of writing scripture or stories of others that have had to endure, but what I have decided to write are three simple words, I GET IT! I have not been in your exact situation, but I have tasted the same frustration and anger that you feel. You wonder, "Is this it? Will this be my life for the next several years?" Then you ask God "What am I suposed to be learning here and what in the world are you doing?" It is then that you fall in a puddle of your own tears and cry, "I can't take it anymore."
When ever I am at my low point I always think of the death crawl scene in Facing the Giants. When I am yelling at God telling him how much life sucks it is then that He tells me, "Jennifer it is all heart from here,give me your very best!"
When you have time, Sit down with Jason,a bowl of popcorn, Facing the Giants and a box of kleenex. Every time I watch this movie it cheers me on for a little longer.
You are an amazing woman Jolene.
Jennifer
I just love you to pieces...and you WILL get through this. We've seen each other through so many ups and downs...and we'll just keep that tradition going. You know I'm here for you always...Looking forward to tomorrow! Big Hugs...Anne
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