National Blog Posting Month...

Ok so Kari is "officially" participating in NaBloPoMo, I am not going to sign up but thought I would try to keep up. So here is day one post...

November is set to be a busy month, it is hard to believe that October is already over! We have had so much fun in October! The first week of the month Jason and I celebrated our 10 yr wedding anniversary in Washing DC. We stayed with Jason's sister and husband in their new home, as their first house guests. They were wonderful hosts and showed us a good time. The kids all shared time between Pam and Joes house, and Grandma and Grandpa's houses. We left on Thursday and returned on Monday, the perfect getaway!

The next weekend we spent celebrating Jason's birthday. Spent the whole time playing together as a family. We decide to go to Octoberfest at the mall and didn't even go inside due to the overpriced beer and brauts. So we went to the pet store and looked at all the little puppys for a while and ate at Mezcal... Not even thinking about it we get out of the car and Ezra announces "Dad you get to wear the hat!" Jason quickly responded "No one is to tell them it is my birthday or we will leave right now!" So no hat...

The next weekend it was my nephews turn for a birthday. Simon turned one so we went to help celebrate. We drove as far as Fort Scott on Friday night and on into Joplin Sat for the weekend. We had not been to Brian and Gabrielle's house yet so it was cool to get to see their place. The kids got a huge kick out of reading with Gabrielle and playing with Brian. Simons birthday party was a total blast! The kids really enjoyed getting to play together, hopefully it won't be too much longer and we can all live closer together so they can play more often...

This past weekend we had our Halloween fun. Night of Light at church was a HUGE success!!! I was so impressed with the response we received! God is good all the time, and all the time God is good!

Government...

So for going on 2 years now we have been dealing with different government agencies. There are many different resources out there to help families in need. Problem is "need" is a relative term. Anyway, for a long time we have not qualified for help because for one reason or another something has been in the way, just about the time we get one thing in line with qualifications the policy changes and such is the vicious cycle.
Finally in June we were qualified for SSI benefits. Haleluah!!! This means extra income and a medical card. From day one the income has been irrelevant. We never wanted the money although it will be helpful... The medical card was the crucial piece. Just as info SSI benefits run 2 months behind. So we qualify in June and then receive the benefits in August. So a direct deposit shows up in Avangeline's savings acct on August 1. So I call the Social Security office and inquire as to when the medical card will be showing up. I was then informed that they do nothing with the medical part of it and I will need to contact SRS. Why I was not informed of this in the beginning is yet to be determined. So I contact SRS and ask when my card will be showing up. They have no record of us needing a medical card... You have to apply for one, imagine that. So a little about the application, first off it is 13 pages long, and then they allow extra space at the end just in case you need it. Guess what with a family of 6 it ends up being about 15 pages long. Now I am no stranger to this application because I had just filled one out for childcare assistance. Witch by some loophole we don't qualify for but that is another story. So I just ask them to use the application they have on file to process the card. No can do. It boils down to a box being check on the form but they cant use the same application. So I fill out a new application, hand deliver it to the SRS office, wait a few days and call to check status. I do not have to qualify, that has been done with SSI so in my mind it should be a file and print card type deal... Well at any rate day one I call, no application on file... Day 2 I call no application on file... each time I am given the number to the healthwave group, also no app on file. So by Friday I am loosing my cool. The lady on the other end of the phone says it would be just as easy to fill out a new app because there is no record of it in their office. So I give her an ear full about how with all I have to do filling out another 15 page application that they have one of on file but won't use and is making no effort to find the one I brought and put in a mans hands, so on and so on... So I tell her I will give it one more day and then they can expect to see me in the office filling out a new application and not leaving until it has been processed. Of course she trys to explain to me that it takes time and that it will be impossible to process the form with me in the office because they have 45 days to get it done. I assure her that I will get my way and to expect a call Monday. So it's Monday, and as promised I call the office this time I get a very nice man who makes an effort to find the application and is very sympathetic and asks that I give him an hr and he will call me back. One hour later this nice man calls and states he has e mailed the entire office, talked to the man who received my application, and done everything he can think of to find the app. No sign of it... This call takes place at 3:12 according to my call log, so I drive to the office pick up a new form, go home to get the kids off the bus. I am frantically filling out this application, by the time the kids get off the bus I am ready to storm the office. Off we go. I walk up to the desk and the guy takes my application and says thank you. When I don't leave he asks if I need to see someone and I tell him that until the application is in the hands of the person who will process it I am not leaving. So he looks up who that would be and guess what?!? He says "mam we have an application on file through Healthwave, received on Sept 30th It was processed at 3:30 today. Is this for something different" I just through up my hands and told him to shred it. I have the big kids with me of course and they follow me out to the van where I scream a good reliving scream. Olivet says what was that for so I spout off something about incompetent Government people and proceed to cuss the government for a good mile or so...

Funny part.
We stop by Dillions to get a few things for dinner and Jason calls and asks me to get him some allergy medicine. So we stop by the pharmacy counter and being that I had not purchased allergy meds there before they ask for my drivers licence. Olivet asks "why do they want that" I told her that bad men have made it so that mommy has to tell the government when she buys daddy allergy medicine. Olivet in her loud boisterous voice says "THE GOVERNMENT!!! Who IS the government?" So all the little old people waiting on their prescriptions laugh and the staff is laughing, and I am laughing. But poor child really didn't know who the government was because they just made mommy mad at 500 Van Buren, and now they were at Dillions...

I know...

I know that life is not easy...

I know that there is more love in my house than can me measured...

I know Infantile Spasms is a terrible disease...

I know no one around us understands...

I know someday Avangeline will walk...

I know I need more sleep...

I know the Lord will continue to bless our family...

I know that crying does not fix any thing but is necessary sometimes...

I know I can't do this on my own...

I know that Avangeline can be healed, I pray that it is the Lords will to do so...

I know that with everything I have learned... I still don't know much

Just some pics...

I haven't updated in a while, as you may have noticed... Here is a picture montage of our last month.

Avangeline got glasses, she is doing so well with them. We were told that if she truly needed them she would wear them and not mess with them, if not she would pull them off. She wears them like a champ! We have seen great improvement in eye contact, and she plays with anything she can get her hands on.

Olivet had Kindergarten round up! She is such a social bug, she made new friends in the short amount of time we were there. She wanted to go the very next day, it took her about a week to realize that she would not get to go till the fall. I did sign her up to do the Boys and Girls Club summer camp, so that should make her feel big.

We had new windows installed throughout the house, they are wonderful and beautiful! They have a ledge on them and the cats love it. If you come to our house you are likely to see them sitting in the window watching the neighborhood. My mom is making the girls new window coverings, they wanted their window to be pink and sparkly. I modified the coverings in the front room, and the kitchen has always housed my balls, so now I just need to figure out our bedroom...

Missing something???

Ezra lost his first tooth today!!!! So as the story goes... as told by Ezra himself.

This afternoon during math time, I was playing with my loose tooth. I wiggled it froward and then tried to twist it. I twisted it one way and then the other and it just fell out on to the floor. So I picked it put off the floor and went to the nurse. She put it in a tooth holder for me to take it home.

So I came home from work today and Olivet came running out to the van to inform me of the lost tooth. I was so excited I was beginning to wonder if we were ever going to loose a tooth. You can already see the new tooth coming in. A new milestone at the Shove household. So now tonight we will have to wait on a visit from the tooth fairy...


I think I am more excited than anyone... This is a big deal right???

2 new additions to the family...

We have cats!!!

Yes Cat"s"

We adopted 2 Bangled Cats from a friends grandmas' husband... There were allergy problems at their house so, and I have always wanted a cat. Jason has always said that he would only allow me to have a cat if we got a bangled cat, well that was with the assumption that we would NEVER be able to afford one.... Well, now I have 2.

Meet,

Simba

Simba is a male cat, and he is a lover... He sleeps in our bed, sits in our laps, always wants to be petted and drool es when he starts to purrrrrr.....

Dee-Dee (given name Carma, how she got Dee-Dee I don't know)

Dee-Dee is a female and is a loner, she makes her voice heard when she wants something, but for the most part would prefer to be left alone... She has the best markings of the 2 although it is hard to get a picture of this priss.

Her fur is sooooo soft, but getting a feel of it is rare. So far the only person that can touch her on a whim is my dad, she likes him a lot. The longer we have them the more comfortable they become with our household. She is coming around so we will just have to be patient with her.

These 2 are litter mates, and are 5 yrs old, so they have an excellent demeanor... We are enjoying them (most of the time).

So if you thought we were crazy before... Now, I may be on my way to being the crazy cat lady...

Good Day!!!

So just when you think it can't get better... Today was an awesome day, we enjoyed ALL of it.

I woke up in a wonderful mood, (maybe because I didn't have to go to my non job today)... The weather was wonderful so we decided to go to the zoo. We have a family pass that sets to expire at the end of the month so we figured we had better get a few more trips in.

Everyone had a good time. It seems in the past that we always go when all of the animals are taking a nap, but today they were all active and fun to watch. Avangeline did very well she seemed engaged in what was going on and enjoyed the outdoors.

Another high point of the day... Avangeline rolled over today back to front! It has been months since we have seen her roll, we were so excited!

Our only struggle for today is Avangelines eating... One of the side effects of her Topamax is loss of appetite, and well she will not eat anything. She has been on this med since Aug, and we have had no issue... Now that her brain is going to work, it is going to have drug side effects I suppose. Of course this has to come up on the weekend when we can't call the Dr. So first thing Monday we will see what they want us to do...

Life sucks and then you die...

Ok so I'm not one for throwing myself a pity party, but grab your hats, party on. I am at the point I don't know how much more I can endure... In the last year I have had to deal with more than most in a lifetime. I feel I have coped relatively well, and was starting to resolve within myself our reality and see light at the end of this tunnel.
Saturday I was sleeping in, Friday I was not feeling well and had been to the Dr, so I was getting some much needed sleep. Jason comes running into the room and tells me to get up Avangeline is smiling and laughing. Praise the lord, what a joy. I have been waiting a long time for that smile. We were on a high all weekend long.
Monday... I get to work and go about my day normal, all except for opening my e-mail. When I realized I had not checked it I opened it to find a note from the head of HSBC North American CEO, in short it stated that Consumer Lending (that's who I work for) was being shut down. Ok if that doesn't suck enough, all of the sales staff was let go effective 1:00 pm. They get paid till April 3 and then get a severance package. I am not sales staff... So I get to work until they decide what day exactly we will shut down. We have to give our customers 30 days notice, and I do not have a sign to hang on the door as of yet. So this is going to drag out... I could really use 30 days off with pay. Somehow sitting in that office empty and with all the looming dume SUCKS. Top that off with customers who are worried about how they are going to make there payments, mail them in... No brainer, but explaining that to them is an ordeal.
You know how you have this plan in your head of how life is suppose to go, hopes, dreams, expectations... Why can't I have at least one??? Have I done something so terrible in my life that I deserve all of this? Will it ever end??? Will I come out better on the other side, or will this be how things go forever???

Getting rid of the gray...

I have been home with Avangeline all week, Monday I took her to the dr because she was conjested and I figured if she has no immune system I should get her checked out. Well as it turns out she has RSV and pneumonia. Poor little girl can't catch a break. Although her being sick really stinks it has been a very eye opening week.

First as I drove her to the ER at Children's Mercy in KC, my cell phone was about dead so I had to unplug the satellite radio to charge it. I was listening to Calvary 88, and heard a song that was new to me. The Motions by Matthew West, it goes like this:

I don't wanna go through the motions don't wanna go one more day without Your all consuming passion inside of me I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,"What if I had given everything,instead of going through the motions?"

As I walked into the ER I saw 100+ sick people... I thought I was going to have a panic attack, (I wait in the car when I take her to her family Dr.) I had no choice but to wait in the same room as all of these people. I checked in and asked what I should do as she is not to be exposed to illness given her current state. The nurse pointed me to a little hallway that was void of people, they had folding chairs set up but no one was sitting in them, so we went to the very end and sat down. I began praying that there would be a barrier put up around my little girl to protect her form all of the germs that were festering in this place, and that we would be seen quickly and not have to sit for too long. Other families entered and as they checked in they were being warned that the wait was 6+ hrs. After about 20 mins they called our name and after taking her temp, weight, and a good once over we were taken to a private waiting room. We were going to bypass the wait, and be seen as soon as a bed was available. While we waited we were joined by Hailey, she must have been 12 or so and she was having appendicitis. So they were also getting bumped to next in line. Hailey is very fond of babies so she was interested in Avangeline. Poor girl was sitting and waiting on a bed so that she could go into surgery and have her appendix removed. They had given her something for the pain, but her body was not happy. There was lots of puking going on... I don't deal well with puke... But in that room with close quarters, I was not phased. I gave her baby wipes for her face, and again right there I prayed that her little body would rest, and that her discomfort would go away. Within 5 mins she laid her head on her moms shoulder and fell asleep. Not long after that they called our name and we gathered our things. As I walked out of the room I turned to her and told her I would be praying for her.
About 4 hrs later we were able to leave the hospital and when we got in the car, the DJ was talking about prayer. He made the comment that Christians as a polite gesture will offer prayer as they part ways with someone, and then rairly do. It stopped me in my tracks. I put the van in park and prayed right then and there for Hailey. Ever happen to you??? I think it happens more often than any of us would like to admit.

Being at home all week I have watched a lot of T V as well. Oprah had an evangelist on who had been caught up in a gay sex scandal. He was married with children, and he was telling her that yes that was a part of him and that he had been forgiven and that even though it was still there he was not going to act on those feelings as they were sinful. She would not let up on the fact that gay is ok, and if that is the way you were made there is nothing wrong with that. She finally ended the conflict by being ok with him being remorseful for lying. She did not understand black and white, she was ok with the gray...
I also caught a documentary on a gay Christian duo, Jason and Demarco. They were traveling the country, spreading the good news of Gods love. Yes they had beautiful voices, and sounded awesome together. They were preaching about how God love everyone and that because they were committed to each other there was nothing wrong with being gay. You see they don't live a "gay lifestyle", they don't do drugs or have multiple partners. There were church leaders singing there praises, and asking what God thought of how twisted everything is when religion gets in the way. Religion? Black and white, they were ok with the gray...
The Dugger Wedding was on this week as well. Their family supports the idea of courtship,and the couple had committed to saving there first kiss till there wedding day. This was made out to be so strange, such a bazaar idea. Purity is such a foreign concept in our culture. Black and white there it is. With the possibility of a kiss leading to something more, they just kept it to hand holding no gray there.
So all of this has been placed on me this week...
How much gray do I put up with??? How much gray is in my life???

I think one of the greatest challenges in actively living out a relationship with Christ on earth is to avoid the trap of simply going through the motions.
I know what a "Christian" should say. I know how to act. I know how to put up a spiritual front, even if I'm not passionately seeking God. That was the inspiration behind my song, "The Motions". I was tired of settling for a stale faith. God is a God of PASSION. His true plan for our lives is anything but boring. Every day, The God of adventure beckons his sons and daughters to quit going through the motions, and walk into a life filled with passion and wonder. (Matthew West MySpace page)

Also Hope is something that you do, not something that you have. I will work on that next.